Recently, I was chatting to a friend about an issue I was having at work. Without realising it at the time, I was making assumptions about the intent of some of the people involved. I had started to believe they weren’t trying very hard, or that they weren’t taking the same care I was.

My friend asked me a simple question: What would change for you if you assumed that everyone was doing their best?

I paused. I was slightly taken aback. What would change? And the truth is — almost everything.

If I assume someone is doing their best, I respond differently. I become more patient. More constructive. More focused on how to improve the situation rather than who is to blame.

But when I assume the worst — that someone is being careless or not trying — I become frustrated. I expect things to fail. I approach the situation already braced for disappointment.

And without meaning to, I start to damage trust.

Not just in them, but in the relationship itself.

It made me realise something uncomfortable. I wasn’t just reacting to the situation — I was shaping it. And I started to wonder how often I do that. Not when things are going well, but when things are difficult. Whether assuming intent is sometimes an easier position than sitting with uncertainty.

Maybe even as a way of avoiding responsibility for my own response.

The shift, when I caught it, was simple but uncomfortable: If I assume people are doing their best, I show up differently. I stay in the relationship. I try to build, rather than withdraw. If I don’t, I start to pull away without meaning to.

It’s something I’m still noticing in myself.