Recently, I noticed how critical my son has become. It’s usually directed at my daughter.

I was honestly a bit taken aback. Where had this come from?

That is, until I caught myself doing exactly the same thing… to him.

He was critical of her because I was critical of him.

I understand it. I’m a busy, working mum. Sometimes it’s easier to bark instructions than ask kindly. Sometimes it’s easier to point out what went wrong than to slow down and have a proper conversation.

Does it make it right? No. Does it make me human? Yes.

The thing is: in focusing on mistakes, I was also missing all the things he does well. All the things he gets right. And that made it harder to feel grateful for him in the way I want to.

So, I’ve been trying to shift. Asking instead of telling. Explaining instead of correcting. Noticing what he does well, rather than only what he gets wrong.

Am I good at it all the time? No.

Do I slip back into old habits? Yes.

I even did today, when he interrupted me while I was writing this.

But is my relationship with him better for trying?

Absolutely. Yes.